Variant or Trial Lines

THE PLAYWRITING SEMINARS > WORKING > EDITING > DIALOGUE > VARIANT LINES

'Before I wrote PICASSO AT THE LAPIN AGILE, I'd been going to the theatre in New York and every time, I could feel a little surge of energy. I hate to say it was a challenge but it was, to get those laughs, to even get those silences in the theatre. I also thought, What is it that I do best? Listen to the audience. . . . On a first play there's no ego at stake. If it's no good you can always throw it away.'

-- Steve Martin

When characters repeat the same idea in slightly different phrasing in the same speech, you may have a candidate for editing. What's happening may simply be your attempt to try several versions of the same thought. And then rather than using the best one, you've left all the trial version in the dialogue. When that happens, usually the last version is the best.

Be careful with this. You don't want to edit out the special vocal rhythm of your characters and often these rhythms depend on verbal repetition for their impact.

That's a subtle distinction. But you want to keep Variant Lines when . . .

They're a deliberate part of a character's speech pattern.
Tennessee Williams and David Mamet [especially Act I of GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS] are famous for this kind of thing.
They build toward a moment of great intensity.

A general rule: Cut variants if the repetition of lines . . .

Doesn't establish the rhythm of a character's speech.
Doesn't build tension in the scene.

But there's a special case where you can gain considerable impact by using . . .

Apparent Repetition

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